This week, I am driving a minivan, not just any minivan but a Dodge Caravan. I got into Charlotte and I say hi to my friend the driver of the Avis shuttle – we go way back, she reminds me of Miss Gay at the Hampton – anyway so she takes me to my spot and there it was a Minivan. I could not believe it; I know I am not a stellar driver but a minivan? I went into the office and they told me it was the only thing available if I was going to return the car in Greensboro. So I took it, what was I to do, take the broom and fly to Wilkesboro.
I got on board, and drove all the way, and have been driving the entire team to lunch every day this week, ohhh joy! I mean the car drives funny, it is different than driving a truck (I drove that Nitro remember), which was what I expected, almost like it has no suspension and I feel like I go in all directions as soon as the pavement is not smooth. Also I do not enjoy changing the wears with the handle next to the wheel – yes being terribly gay I am not sure what the name of that type of transmission is, I mean it is automatic but I am sure it has a special name. Finally there is no hand brake, and that I do not like, why? Do not ask, I just like knowing I have the break there.
I will return the car tomorrow, and have to fill her up, cuz I am not giving Avis any extra $ for the tank of gas, I used to take the gas option until I realized I was paying for an entire tank of gas even if I returned the car with half a tank. Of course this is the week where the ten commandments for drivers come out, and all, and I have been very careful, except when I forget to put the car on reverse and try to back out and things like that, but hey I am driving a minivan so I am sure other drivers just think, there goes another clueless soccer mom. Wrong! I am a useless gay driver, not a soccer mom.
I got on board, and drove all the way, and have been driving the entire team to lunch every day this week, ohhh joy! I mean the car drives funny, it is different than driving a truck (I drove that Nitro remember), which was what I expected, almost like it has no suspension and I feel like I go in all directions as soon as the pavement is not smooth. Also I do not enjoy changing the wears with the handle next to the wheel – yes being terribly gay I am not sure what the name of that type of transmission is, I mean it is automatic but I am sure it has a special name. Finally there is no hand brake, and that I do not like, why? Do not ask, I just like knowing I have the break there.
I will return the car tomorrow, and have to fill her up, cuz I am not giving Avis any extra $ for the tank of gas, I used to take the gas option until I realized I was paying for an entire tank of gas even if I returned the car with half a tank. Of course this is the week where the ten commandments for drivers come out, and all, and I have been very careful, except when I forget to put the car on reverse and try to back out and things like that, but hey I am driving a minivan so I am sure other drivers just think, there goes another clueless soccer mom. Wrong! I am a useless gay driver, not a soccer mom.
2 comments:
Column-shifters don't get a special name, they're still automatic transmissions. Not to be confused with "on-the-tree" manuals.
Anyways, the minivan most likely has a foot-operated parking break in the driver's footwell to free up room between the front seats. They're weird, but common in larger cars. Mercedes uses them in most of their cars too for some reason. I'm partial to hand breaks or electronic ones (thing Jaguar S-type, VW Passat).
Yes, Knitter, you ARE a soccer gay.
;-)
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