Volver

I know it comes as no surprise that I like Almodovar, and his movies. To me they are a world that is close by, the world of Spanish women and their idiosyncrasies. I love his descriptions, the way that world he puts on the screen at times real and at time fantastical, blends together to give you a sense that reality is more than what it appeared before you went into the theater. Also there is the way he can finds humor and dignity in the most tragic and macabre circumstances. So go see Volver, it is not his best picture, by any means, but it is a great movie, the characters feel real and the situation at hand, goes from murder to chuckles in 5 seconds.

I have to agree with the Canuck that Volver is not his best movie, in my opinion his best movie is “All about my mother” and from an artistic point of view, “Talk to her” was jarring and beautiful all at once, but disturbing in the way only European moves can be.

So if you like movies, and you enjoy ensemble pieces, where it takes 6 extraordinary women to tell a story, go get your tickets now. If you do not understand the female universe, and want to see a less biased story, then skip it. Hopefully his next movie will be a comedy –comedy again.

PS. Can you tell I am in training and I had to can all these posts? LOL will post live again next Monday when I get back in the office.

When you like the writing but hate the characters

Last month’s book was called “On Beauty”, for those who do not know this, I am in a book club, and the main reason I joined was to read book I would not normally chose. This particular reading circle is very gay and very varied; we all have strong opinions and tastes. So far we have only read 4 books, so we are just getting started, and we take turns choosing what to read. For December, the Imelda chose the latest Zadie Smith book, which I had wanted to rea, but never really got to it. So I went home with it and read it. It was an easy task after all when you are flying 9 hours each way and you are home, just waiting on people or doing errands you have time to read. I finished the book in about 2 weeks, and I liked the writing, I thought the book was written very well but the staory had big flaws and I could not care about any of the characters – with the exception of one. I know she won the Orange Price for fiction with it, and was short listed for the Booker, but seriously some of the story lines just faded away and some were irrelevant. But it was writing was very good, and enjoyable and easy to read and deep and funny and sad at times. Unfortunately that was just the writing, the characters were all, crazy and petty and not likeable at all. Sow what do you do? How do you praise a book you enjoyed reading but you felt nothing about? How do you say this is a good book, based on grammar and structure alone?

I guess this is why I joined the book club to read more of these books, and less of books that I know I will like because they agree with my point of view and my life’s experiences. Still I have no answer to the questions above, except to give a mixed review.

Farewell Mr. Cowboy

This was another busy weekend, I have plenty of ideas to talk about, but I will start by the end, so that I have something to say for the rest of the week. Today is MLK, and I am at work, I feel like everyone else and their mother is at home sleeping, while I sip burned coffee and eat some fruit I bought from the deli downstairs. The life of the consultant what can I say.

Back to my tale, after 4 years swimming and 4 years of knowing the cowboy, finally he is moving to Atlanta. He has been talking about it for years, he hates winter and he always wanted to live south, finally he got a job and he is moving. In his honor, dinner, Show tunes and a Party were done. They were all great; we started with a low key dinner Friday, just 4 people at a nice restaurant. The next day Show tunes and the formal party which was a blast, there were people from all the different spheres of his life and we all got together pretty well, finally on Sunday I just went to JR’s to have one last drink and see him off to what promised to be a terrific night – remember most people are not working today, just me.

Do not get me wrong, I am not very sentimental but there is that little part of me that hates seeing people go, maybe it is because I like this city and by people saying they do not like it, indirectly it is like saying they do not like what I like, and I love when people enjoy what I like or approve off. Yes I am that controlling. But anyway, the cowboy, even if he did not swim he was one of the central parts of the swim team, our creative person if you want to give him a title of sorts. He was the person that would come up with the best ideas for Pride, and Pink Flamingo. You wanted to go do something fabulous you went to the cowboy; he usually knew how to go about it. He was fun and after a while one realized that there was more to him than jut boys and dancing.

Wow, this is beginning t sound like a eulogy, and trust me he is far from dead, so I will end this saying that I will be waiting for him to come back, because no matter what, people always come back to DC and we – the swim team and his friends – are always in need for fabulosity and merriment, and the living vicariously.

One last thing, Mr. Cowboy, if you are reading this, you better swim for us in Paris, no ifs, no buts no nothing

Unhappy morning

Today coming to work took longer than expected, it is all partly my fault, and partly not. I will let you be the judge. I had to be in the office by 8 am, to go over some reports that were going to be demoed and I had to leave my place at 7 to be here on time, well a little bit earlier. So I woke up at 6, and left my place at 7:05, headed for the gas station on Connecticut Ave and Calvert, when I get there I had all kinds of trouble with the credit card thingy – the thing where one pays – and then I could not select the grade of gas I wanted. This being 7 am and it being cold I tried upgrading the fuel grade and all, but still could not get a single drop of gas into my car. So walked in, and they tell me none of the pumps were working, none, of course they did not had any announcements saying this. So I drove down to DuPont Circle and went into the BP at 18^th St and S, and when I try to use my card to pay, I notice the screen is blank. I am thinking, not again, where am I going to put gas ?

I notice a little note, saying that the credit card was not working at that pump, but I was already late, so walked to the little store, and paid cash – at least I had cash, I rarely have cash to begin with - and was finally able to put gas and drive to work at 7:28 am. Can you believe it ? Only in DC would such a thing happened. It is my fault because I should have bought the gas when I left the pool last night. See I am 30 and I still do not learn.

Of course I came in 8:17 am or so, and by the time I was here, the project manager was already here and they meeting at 9, had been postponed until yesterday!!!

I guess these are the things that make my life sooo exciting, sigh.

PS. Leaving you with a pretty picture I took at the Monterey Aquarium of some pretty fishes

Get the …. Out of my class

Yesterday I went to the gym for Chisel, a class I enjoy because after 1 hour of doing lift-aerobics I feel like I have exercised for 3 hours instead of one, and it is one of the classes where my body feels the pain and I can not get used to the strain, so I feel it is good for me. Ok, you can call me a masochist, but if I feel something is good, well then I pursue it. In order to be there on time, I left work at 5:00 to be downtown at 5:45, class starts at 6:15 and that would give me time to park, change and even go to the shoe repair shop across the street from the gym and make it in time for class to set up the step and get the body bar ,weights, water and etc, etc. So I do that, I dropped a pair of brown boots to be resoled, (it came up to $50, but I love those boots and they are comfy and go well with slacks and jeans, so what was I to do?) dashed into the locker room, changed and got to the class. It was 6 pm, 15 minutes before class started and it was packed. I had to perch my step at the end of the classroom, by the windows and the boxing equipment. Then to make matters worse this little girl comes behind me and takes the spot right behind me and just smiles and excuses herself.

I am not new at this class, no I am not. Been doing it for 6 months now, I am the kind of pupil that knows what to do, how to lay the equipment out and is ready for the class to start while stretching (yes, I am stretching now, you know who you are) and yesterday’s class was annoying. These women all had their work bags, their purses, their workout bags, and they tried to come in late, and get a space somewhere. It was chaos, even the instructor was overwhelmed. But a minute before the class started things kind of quieted down and we were able to proceed, but even after the class started this woman walks in still dressed in office clothes and heels, and tried to get a spot. Agghh, I thought of leaving the class, but I thought, I have to stay and finish, it is my only exercise of the day and just struggled through. After and hour of huffing and puffing we are all tired, trying to do the last lunges and 5 minutes before the class finished, all these girls start to pack up and leave. They did not even had the courtesy to wait for everyone to finish, they ran, and started putting things away as we were trying to finish, and giggled their way out of the classroom.

So I ask myself don’t they know of the existence of locker rooms, where multiple bags can be locked? Do they know of the basic gym etiquette? apparently not. This is the first time I have been to the gym this year, it is crazy, everyone (the regulars) all complained, and it is to be expected, its all the new year’s resolutions, but let me give all you new year’s resolution crowd some advice, before you fork down 80 bucks and month for Results, think about it, you are seriously upsetting my January routine.

And, no I am not a woman hater, but people, things need to stop somewhere, or the gym will have to ask for sign up lists for most classes and assigning steps, in the same way they assign bikes for spinning.

End of rant…

Positive thinking, diet and exercise

As much as I would want to write about the mountains of positive thoughts I have had this past week, I need to explain some of the details of the Year of Positive Thinking, and they are simple really, positive thinking alone doesn’t help, we still have to do the hard work. If we want to become positive human beings we have to do the reading, exercising, dieting and pruning necessary, the mind alone is not all the powerful. It is because of this that today I go back to swimming and the gym and semblance of a routine of sorts. I know this sounds regimented and not flexible, but quite the contrary, it is about basically making sure I swim 4 times per week ad hit the gym 3, in which ever order they happen it does not matter, but they need to happen.

As my mother put it, during breakfast at the airport in Mexico City, I managed to put on 4 pounds in 2 weeks, of course I had not time to exercise – I walked a lot, and I tried not to over eat, but hey it was Christmas and New Year’s – and I was on vacation, and while on vacation one is allowed to eat, because eating is a pleasure.

Then there are the other things that I want to work on is my reading, I used to be a great reader and now I am not, so I at the very least have to read every book we read at the book club, and try and squeeze some other books, I brought 3 from Mexico, I do not want to forget my Spanish. I think that I have put on too much emphasis on the physical and not enough on the intellectual. It is a result of being gay, and being around gay people, we notice the physical because we are youth centered, and there is nothing wrong with being fit and thin, but if you are fit and trim but can only speak about your workout routine and what you can and can not eat, you are not really interesting to me, and above all we all need to become interesting to ourselves, then we will become interesting to others and we can connect.

Ok, I know, do not call Oprah on me yet, I am not yet ready to give advice to anyone, but this is my plan for the year, those are my two simple goals, read and exercise. I am aware that I will not be able to keep both up constantly, work ad life do happen, and usually when you have least planned for them. But at the very least it gives me a sense of the structure I am trying to build this year. Sorry Minky and Beluga, we need t say goodbye and part ways, it was a great ride, or … er swim I guess.

Let’s all keep it up and we will have a great year.

Maybe tomorrow I can post my knitting goals, and then my plans for world domination.

Where is Winter?

Ok, I am back, back, as in back in DC. I know, I have used the word back way too many times in the first line of the paragraph already, but that is me. So I had a great time back home, ate my way through the holidays and now I need to get back on the healthy bandwagon, nothing a week at the gym will not take care off. Otherwise the trip was fabulous; I saw old friends and family. Did some good shopping and even managed to write my January Cards, yes a new tradition I came up with, I call it send something in the month when people really need to know you care. So I sent cards to the people who sent me cards, and decided to not worry about the rest and politics and all those nasty things. But I managed to do that and I posted them today from here, cuz they will arrive sooner.

The only problem in the trip was that my allergies acted up and I have been high on Claritin for 2 weeks now and even here I am feeling groggy and constipated. I came to the office to no have to ask for vacation and to post and create some cool play lists and not feel out of the loop. As you can see my life is complicate, LOL. The other issue I have had lately – ravishing news I am telling you, I know – is that my sleep cycle is all messed up, for some reason the vacation, the nerves about traveling, getting a visa and a new passport and coming back, or what but I have not slept well in like a 4 days. I just stared at the ceiling and wait for sleep to come visit, but he resists. I might have to get ambian or something to help, but maybe this weekend as things come back to normalcy my body will adjust to its usual schedule. Falling asleep at 1:30 am and waking up at 6:30 is not fun. But those are my only two problems, so I guess I am good to go, the year is new and as most people I have some sort of resolutions.

I should phrase this better, they are not resolutions they are “goals” or “directives”. A lot of people do not believe in them, but I think that they are useful; they remind me of where I want to be and how I am planning on getting there. When I was a kid we would write down all 12 resolutions, as a child it was hard coming up with 12 things to do, but each year the same ritual would happen, we would check last year’s and see what we managed to accomplish (not much I assume, I can’t remember) and what we did not. I do remember feeling like it was a waste of time. At some point we changed from 12 to 6 and finally 7 years ago we came up with a new system we set 5 goals, 1 is the primary one the rest are secondary. This has worked, there are many ways to achieve them, but keeping them in mind helps, hence the need to set them in paper and remember what they are through the year. The key in my mind is to choose something one can really work on, not continue working, or making loads of money or loose 100 pounds, when you only need to loose 10 like me (ok maybe 7, or then again after the holidays, its more like 12), but something one can target. Because I know y’all are dying to know what I am going to tell you. I have decided this is the year of Positive thinking. Yep, this is the year when self deprecation and pity parties will have to stop or at the very least diminish. The more I thought about, talked about it to people as varied as the Diplomat, the Scientist and my Sister, I made the decision to well, change my inner language and the way I see/describe myself to my mind, hey its worth a try right ?

And finally, where the hell is winter? I leave for 2 weeks and when I come back it feels like spring, seriously people, what happened? It was much, much colder in Mexico City, I am talking 19 degrees, I felt like a character out of a Dickens’s novel emailing people with my mittens on and sweater over my shoulders.

Hope you all had a great New Year’s, all my best wishes for this 2007

Almost done

Merry Christmas readers, hope all is well. I am at home, in Mexico City, enjoying a balmy 19 degrees, so yes its cold, quite cold for Mexico. But it is the day after Christmas and I am done with the two administrative things I needed to get done here, getting my work visa done and renewing my passport. The first one was a sad reminder of the difficulties in the relationship between Mexico and the US, and my personal relationship with my chosen place of residence. Yes it is sad, but I have never felt more violated, in the sense that I had to wait for 4 hours to pay 100 USD and get a visa. Yes I know that is the process, and I am happy in the DC and all that, but when a consulate anywhere in the world puts you through a 5 hour process just to renew a visa, well it pisses you off. But I am done and I am trying to focus on the positive.

Mexico is cold but beautiful, a huge city which plays to my main advantage I love to plan ahead, and in this city, if you do not plan ahead you get nothing done because the distances are so big that one needs to arrange for transportation. So far I have not managed to send the belated Christmas cards, or bought some gifts, but I saw my friends from college and my family.

I was planning on writing this long essay on immigration and stuff, but after getting some lunch and sitting for a bit I have decided that it is not worth it, I just wanted to wish everyone the best for New Years, I hope you all enjoy the reminder of the year and I will see you all back in Washington next week.

Still here

Finally home, no christmas cards yet ... will have to change the format this year.

Only had 3 hours of sleep, had to go to renew my visa and my plane got in late more tomorrow

MIA

Hey, today I am running around all day doing errands - code for shopping, wish me luck cuz I am going to need it. I am on my way to the mall as soon as I get some work stuff done from home, see I am not that bad after all.

Unhappy morning

I had some funny storied, but I forgot them instead will tell you the little problems I faced this morning, riveting I know:

1. Don’t you hate when u have not put on your contacts, and realize too late that the plastic shower liner is outside of the tub, and not inside, and that you have made a mess of the bathroom, hours after the cleaning lady had cleaned it? It happened to day, as I was happily shaving away away – I have been shaving since I am 12, so I can do it with eyes closed hence the lack of contacts in the shower – I realize that the both shower curtains are on the outside, which mean a little sea of water awaited me as I stepped out to put on my contacts and realize my stupid mistake. Argggggg

2. Hate coming home late from a last class graduation party, having to park all the way around from you usually park and then have to walk to your car in the morning carrying, a bagel, coffee and your work bag under the rain? Yes another beautiful way for me to start my day.

3. The today show, I turn it on to check the weather but always manage to waste 30 minutes of time following a story on random things such as how to trim your Christmas tree, no pun intended, I know how to trim see above note on shaving, I am too lazy to do it, that is a different story all together, or an interview with Mohammed Al-Fayed. This 30 minutes mean that I get in at 9 and not 8:30, but today because someone was building something in McLean, it meant I got in at 9:30, wasting a total of 1.5 hours driving. To top it all off, no interesting NPR story to post about, how fair is that ?

On other news yesterday was the 475 anniversary of the appearance of the Virgin of Guadalupe – do not be afraid, this is not another religious posting – and mention it because officially in Mexico at least this means the end of the year or what we call the Bridge “Guadalupe-Reyes”, in Spanish when we refer to this bridge we mean the month between the 12^th of December and the 6^th of January, when the holidays are celebrated, and nothing, gets done. So as of today we should all be going to parties, getting in the spirit of the season (yes that includes Taylor and the Scientist) and just merrily stop working till we all come back in January and try to go to the gym at the same time.

Friday Miscellanous

Because here at knitting we also attempt to be cultural, like at Gay Canuck, today, for your consideration, and because I am lazy and have no time to post, I am notifying you that archeologists have found in Rome what appears to be the sarcophagus of St. Paul. This is important to me because Paul is Pablo, and that is my name. Ooops there goes my anonymity, oh well. I have always liked St Paul not just because we share a name but because he was the saint, who westernized early Christianity and who basically sold it to the Roman Empire outside of Judea, so he was pretty important in coming up with all the basic concepts that have formed the western world. It is because of this that when you go to any Catholic Mass, on of the reading is always from a letter of Paul to so and so. This man wrote profusely, and then someone managed to keep these letters for thousands of year. But seriously, he wrote to the Corinthians, and the Thessalonians and many more, and unfortunately he was the one who started many of the negative ideas of the catholic church, such as the unequal treatment of women and the hatred against other religions and he basically set up a network of churches across the Mediterranean Sea from which the Church could grow, and indeed it did. Ok, enough of the history lesson, if you want to know more click in the link:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6219656.stm

In other news, this weekend and next are going to be crazy, not sure when I am going to get all the things I need to get done, done and then manage to go on a couple of dates. Ahh the life of the modern homosexual!

Which reindeer are ya ?

Ok, so reading I was Taylor's blog and he had this little test about which reindeer you are, I am comet, see bellow, but which reindeer are y'all people, I want to know. Also I am really busy, so no time for posting. Thanks Taylor!!

You Are Comet

A total daredevil, you're the reindeer with an edge! Why You're Naughty: You almost gave Santa a heart attack when you took him sky diving Why You're Nice: You always make sure the sleigh is going warp speed

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

It is the little things, indeed

It is Wednesday and it’s a bleh day, yes nothing going on, stressed about the holiday’s and all the stuff that needs to be done before they arrive. This is the one year where I have not done much yet, so need to get gifts, and write cards and pack and prepare documentation – yes we non alien residents always have to prepare documentation when we travel, because you never know what Immigration will ask for at the point of entry when we are coming back. It is all overwhelming and stressful, last night; I left the office at 6 pm, got home at 6:50 or so with a throbbing headache. So there was no gym, or nothing, it was cold out, so I stayed in and pondered. This does not sound like me you say, well indeed it does not, when have I stayed in voluntarily, never, except that I was already in my pj’s by 8, listening to the food network and wasting time online.

But this morning I open the Washington Post and read that there is going to be a new Mexican Restaurant in town, it will be called “Casa Oaxaca” and it will be in Adams Morgan. Suddenly all the worries fade away, because it will be run by the same people that run Guajillo in Arlington, and that alone is a promise of real Mexican food. Yum, yum, yum, I mean real Mexican food, not Lauriol Plaza Mexican food, not fancy over priced Rosa Mexicano food, no Taco-Hell imitation food, but real Mexican food. It will be open for Valentine’s day next year and you betcha I am having a date with myself as soon as I can get myself down to 18^th street to patronize my people.

As usually this piece of news, will keep me going for a couple days until I either get my shopping done, finish what I am doing for work or start mailing cards.

The power of music

I have never been a big fan of concerts, never been a music junkie, or someone who will go out of his way or pocket to go see an artist perform live. Call me cheap, but that is the way I have always been. As a teenager, I would shrug at the idea of camping out of Mixup (Mexico’s version of Tower Records) to buy an album or get tickets for a concert, especially if the price was astronomical. I never got it. I remember my friends going to see Madonna, or the Metallica – yes there are some rockers in Mexico too, I now will not accept any association with them, but some of them were my friends – or whomever and I just never cared.
In the last 7 years in DC, I have been to concerts, but I prefer theater to concerts there is something about sitting there listening to music I am not sure I am going to like, that makes me cringe. Maybe it’s the sitting down and doing nothing that drives me nuts, you knows? Yesterday, the cowboy invited me to a Christmas concert, at the DAR Constitution Hall. I have always loved holiday music, it’s the fag in me, I have always been excited by shiny things and nothing brings back memories of Christmas and ornaments and good time as carols and Christmas standards. Of course I said yes and even left work a bit early to make it to dinner before the concert.
We got to the Hall, and being the cynic I am my first thought was how do I get in with the Daughters of the American Revolution? What kind of club are they? Where do I fill in my application? Then I proceeded to check everything and everyone around us out. The Hall is pretty, the lay out is different, at least from the concert halls I know. So we sat down, the Boston Pops all were seated waiting for they very gay director, Keith something or other, who should not wear red blouses, no man should, but his red blouse was just not pretty. All these ideas are going through my mind when all of a sudden the music begins. The lights dim down, and the orchestra starts playing I could not recognize the music, but then the chorus starts, and it was the Gloria, beautifully done. And my attention was focused; it went from all the little details, to the music itself. After a couple of songs, one of the blockbuster songs of the evening was interpreted, none other than Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus from The Messiah, and then in one instant I was reminded why people pay to see music being played live. As the chorus rouse and sang:

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
for the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth.
> >Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

I got goose bumps all over and my mind started following the music, up and down, up and down. It was powerful; it put me at ease and made me realize how powerful and emotional a good live staging can be. So there, I am now converted, not that I will start going to concerts all the time, but I finally got why people keep going to concerts halls instead of staying at home with the ipod or the cd player.

nothing, absolutely nothing

I have nothing to say today. Nothing at all, I went out to get lunch to Wholefoods as usual and then perused the card section at Barnes and Noble and still have not come up with more cards for all the people in the list I mentioned yesterday. So far I only have 16 cards ready, ahh anyway. Such is life. So I bought a sandwich – its turkey, so do not worry my darling Scientist, not that unhealthy, plus it’s the first carb of the day. And then came back to the office, and perused the news, and still have nothing to say, nothing at all. So I am going to talk about the scarf I am knitting, yes knitting is somewhat back, I been doing 20 minutes or so before bed time, as I drink some tea and try to get myself ready for sleep. I picked up the scarf I was knitting during the summer, and now I am just knitting it, no purling, and no ribbed effect any more. For once I just want to finish the project and move on. I intend to finish next week, so that at least I have something to show for one year of blogging consistently.
Sadly these are all the news I have, no presents have been bought. Hopefully tomorrow I will have a mad dash of inspiration and will be able to offer some form of interesting commentary.

Trimming the Christmas card list

I am one of those gays that likes to send Christmas cards. It is time consuming, and it is he kind of gesture that probably makes some people cringe and think that I have way too much time on my hands. But as you all know this is not the case, it is not that I have too much time in my hands, it is just that I like to send cards with handwritten messages to the people I care about. I think that they are the best way to say in a meaningful way I care about you, and I want you to be a part of my life. I might not see some of the recipients often, other I see almost every day, but they are all important to me and I want all of them to know that I am thinking of them even in a month when we are all running like headless chickens trying to get shopping done, attending parties and just hanging on to the few threads of sanity we have.

This year, I went and bought cards in November, hoping to start writing during the thanksgiving weekend, well as usual the cards are there waiting. I have started the list of recipients and this year I am trimming down. It is kind of sad when you make a list of all the people you want to write and send a card to, and then you end up putting question marks at the end of someones name. The question mark reflects my thought on where the friendship is, and more, it asks the question does this person even give a damn if I send them a card. They do not mean that I do not like the person or enjoy their company, but ask a real question that in this day and age is important, should I invest 15 or 20 minutes in writing a personalized note to this person, knowing that they will not care. The answer to this is no, absolutely no. If the person doesn’t care, then why bother really. So the hard decisions made, people were definitely nixed from the list.

I feel bad about it, at some level it reflects badly on me, because maybe I have failed to remain close to some, or I have failed to spend time with others. It is worth considering am I the one pushing people away, but then in the end, no is the answer again. I have no t pushed people away and I believe that life is a two way street, and when a relationship with someone becomes a huge one way street (like 15th street for instance, the fastest way to leave the city by the way) then it is not worth keeping. That was the revelation of today, well more of last week when in between breaks and meeting I came up with the list of people I need to communicate with. When time is of the essence, then it is better to spend it on the people who care about you than on the people who do not.

^{PS. A picture of a cute playful otter, to remind us that we are all young at heart or something like that.}

back from a long weekend

I am sitting at my desk, a little overwhelmed with all the things that need to be taken care off plus all the work that needs to be done. But I just went to get lunch and get groceries – as usual it is better to go get things while at lunch than try and get into the city and do it before swimming or spinning.

Life is good, a bit quiet lately due to work mostly, but had a good weekend, saw movies, went out, socialized a little, you know the usual. It was low key and we had great weather so we could not complain. This week we are supposed to be in the 60’s so it is nice in D.C. now. There are some challenges as usual, but we will plow ahead with the same determination that we have had in the past and hopefully this last month before Xmas, aren’t y’all stressing about it already, less than a month before Xmas I repeat, 1 month. I have not done my shopping, the cards are not yet written – the recipients list has not been finalized in my mind, plus I have to get all my papers ready for the new visa and do the various things we all need to get ready before we go anywhere in December.

I have to wish a happy b’day to the soccer mom, out in the suburbs, her b’day was yesterday and we are celebrating tomorrow, so yay !!!

And in other news I have been giving an ultimatum to stop calling myself Minke next weekend. Not sure why, maybe I can start calling myself humpback or some other type of whale then.

Thanks

This is the second thanksgiving for knitting, and so here is a list of the things that the knitter will be saying thanks for tomorrow:

• Friends, amazing friends that do not happen over night. Friends who are there through thick and thin. Friends to laugh and cry with.
• Family, they are far away but they are here and they embrace me and help me keep going.
• Work, because even if I am tired and overwhelmed, it reminds me that I am somewhat useful and productive and I rather be busy than a member of the leisure class.
• Swimming, because in the end joining a certain swim team is the best thing I have done so far in the last 7 years.
• Coffee, not sure what I would be able to accomplish without it.
• Struggles, because even if it makes little sense when we go through it, it reminds us we are alive and we have a purpose. It keeps is moving, forward, backward and sideways and the point is to never stop.
• Brunch, it is the carrot at the end of weekend practices and the social binding that keeps my group of people together.
• Internet, without it this blog and most of the things we do would not be possible.
• Mornings, glorious mornings, when even if I have to drive 1 hr to work I get to drive through rolling hills and beautiful parks by a river.

Well I could go on and on, but then this would turn into one of those *gasp* entries that is better filled under corny and unreadable. I wanted to post, because even as I am busier than I have been in a long time, and I am crabby and depressed at times, I am still thankful and I still realize how lucky I am to have the life I do. I might play the jaded and bitter card like Judi Dench plays Queen Victoria, but that is just a character, a mask that protects me from disillusionment, a wall that protects my inner core. Inside, in my mind, I realize all I have done, and all I have yet to do. But for now, I am content. Tomorrow, I will make the roasted sweet potatoes and a cold corn salad, and go to dinner realizing that I am lucky.

PS. Work is hectic so read the scientist, he has time to post, I will not. But I promise to continue posting a little every week until I am done with this project.

Still here ...

Still alive, just so much work I can barely have time to think about interesting things to post.

Maybe this weekend.

Because I have little to say, my head is aching and I need to be here till 5, I am posting some pretty pictures:





No gym for me today ...

Yesterday

My schedule yesterday:

3:00 am --> wake up time
5:00 am --> train left Union Statin
5:15 am --> get a sit and spill coffee all over me as I get the tray table up
5:20 am --> get more coffee after cleaning myself up and getting rid of the coffee infused Atlantic I was going to read on my way to New Jersey
7:30 am --> arrive in Newark
9:00 am --> first meeting at customer site
12:30 pm --> first break from meeting to get lunch
1:30 pm --> second meeting at customer site
5:00 pm --> call a cab to get to airport
6:05 pm --> get to the Newark Airport's train station to realize the only feasable train was the 6:45 pm regular train to DC
6:45 pm --> no train
6:55 pm --> train get in
7:00 pm --> train leaves station
9:50 pm --> arrive in DC
9:58 pm --> get cab and go home

So doing all these while sick, was quite the challenge, having two succesful meetings and being able to talk to the customer ... priceless.

Mexico and the Gays

Mexico City, my home town, just passed a Civil Union law. I think it is the first of its kind in Latin America, and it makes me terribly proud. Not that I am in touch with the gays in Mexico, but the fact that it is my country, which is thought of as backwards, and third world, made this bold move is impressive.

There are many caveats to the importance of this law, one of them is that Mexico City is ruled by the PRD – a liberal or leftist party in Mexico, but they are mostly populist – and the fact that it has 20 million people and many other problems makes the passing of this law easier. After all it is small minded people in countries where they have nothing to worry about that focus all their energy on banning gays from marrying, sorry Virginia, but I am talking about you. Still even in this climate where a very “progressive” majority rules Mexico City’s legislation, passing such a law is very moving and effective. It also goes to show how even the all powerful and wealthy Church in Mexico could not stop this, I am not sure how much they applied themselves to oppose it, but I am sure they tried. This is a lesson that us liberals in the US, need to learn, we can not be afraid of the evangelical and the Christians, in Mexico they were able to fight and they won. It helps that there is only one Church (I use capitalization because it is a 2000 year old institution that for years and years dominated Latin America).

So there we go, Viva Mexico!

Disclaimer:

I am no legal expert so I think the law only applies to Mexico City, not sure how marriage is regulated in the Mexican legal system. Hence the lack of analysis of the changes it presents or the way it impacts gays in all of Mexico.

Phote Tease

Because I am lazy, and I have nothing to say, I am uploading some pictures for you to peruse
1 - a little parable, selective trash ?

2 - Remember all the complaining I did about the shoes for the High Heel race, here they are:


3 - Today and yesterday I took some pictures of the end of fall in DC, most of the leaves have or are already falling:

Mind is out

Remember that project I failed, I took it again and I passed. I am happy, but after 3 days of mental exercises, carb loading like a 15 year old, and then a swim practice that was mostly fly last night, I am exhausted. Yes I know this is a run on.

Lots to talk about, but will have to wait until my neurons are connected again.

Took some pretty pictures and the Miss Adams Morgan Pictures are on Yahoo! some need to be edited and rotated.

The meeting and the blogger

Hey there, I know I skipped one day! This is not a daily task, but that is how my mind works, need to do … and then go and do. Every morning when I come into the office I make a list of what I need to get done that day and I tick the done things like the control freak I am as the day progresses and I get more and more things done. Yesterday I had planned to do a series of menial tasks and then use my lunch hour to come up with a good entry. I did I had even thought about a great subject. Then in the middle of the morning, the shit hit the fan at the office and a meeting was set for 12, with pizza brought in for our delight and nourishment (I seriously question, why companies bring pizza for lunches, unless the hidden agenda is to fatten up people so they can stay in the cubes longer). The meeting went on and on, ad infinutum, or until 6 pm and by the time it was all said I had forgotten what my post was going to be about.

That is the sad tale of this blogger right now, meetings and meetings and work and more work. Apparently no one here got the memo that I need to keep a blog and I need to read the press to know if there are any interesting stories to talk about. This is my lame attempt to post today, cuz I am as busy as yesterday, just sitting at my cube trying to deal with things one at a time.

Marie Antoinette

I liked Marie Antoinette, yes I did. I liked the music, I liked the costumes, I liked the shoes and I liked the story. And before the Diplomat jumps at me, I have three words for him: High School Musical. There now quiet down peanut gallery.

The movie has a lot of good and a lot of bad, which I guess makes it controversial. The acting is terrible, but Kristen Dunst and Jason S (not sure what his last name is) are not good actors, and they tend to deliver flat lines and flat characters. It was hard watching that, but she is a pretty adorable girl in the same way Marie Antoinette was, she was a bit more aristocratic, at least from the portraits that exist. Versailles is beautiful; there are only a handful of palaces in the world that can show how absolute power reigned. It is a world within a world, a place where reality is not accepted. It is in fact rejected and a new reality was created out of marble, and limestone. The Grand Trianon and the Petit Trianon are perfect examples.

But to get to my point, the thing that impressed me the most about the movie was the way Sofia Coppola tells the tale. I have to say that I read Steven Zweig biography of the late French queen, and not Antonia Fraser’s (the one the movie is based on) and I have always felt that no matter who had married Louis the XVI th, the outcome would have been the same. France had been ruled by the Bourbons with little regard to the middle and lower classes for centuries, and the American Revolution which was partly sponsored by France and the food shortages led to the peasant (I would severely question, this fact, it was mostly a revolution organized and lead by the bourgeoisie, who wanted to have more say in the country’s affairs) uprising that we now call the French Revolution. There was looting and many, many of the lower aristocrats were killed, and most of the high ranking aristocrats were able to flee the country and then returned after Robespierre’s Reign of Terror. It has always been my theory that any other European princess would have had the same fate, of course this is a game of what ifs that is not worth playing to far, but history time and time again comes full circle and we see how the individuals in power are puppets of currents that sweep the globe as much as they are makers of their and their people’s destinies.

That said, the movie shows us that world, so often romanticizes by novelists and play writes, and shows us if not exactly how it was and how people talked and acted a good insight into the ridiculous situations this people were thrown into. How could they not loose all contact with reality when they had to put on a show every morning, and when they would eat lunch and be a show for the rest of courtiers. Those were the themes that resounded with me from the movie and which made it an interesting and thoughtful exercise in movie making.

Somewhat rested

The weekend as nice, busy yet not busy enough for me not to get 7 hours of sleep each day, I could write about our multiple adventures, but the Scientist wrote a good piece about a party we went to at the BGG, or the Big Gay Gym. The party was ok, I was in a terrible mood, so I made use of the extra hour on Saturday and went to bed early.

Sunday was nice, I should have studied for a project I am supposed to take next week but decided to swim, go to the gym and hung out with the Scientist and the Diplomat. Had brunch with Imelda and her ex, and was an all around nice day.

Not much to report here, I got assigned into a new project and hence I am busy, busy, busy, stressed, stressed, and stressed. It is sad, I thought that the rest of the year was going to be nice and quiet and apparently it will not be the case. I am kind of sorta hyperventilating, because I am expected to do all these things and learn a new technology in one week and then go present and exam and it is all supposed to be a cakewalk but it is not going to be. Sigh, there goes my workout schedule.

More tomorrow when I have had time to digest it all.

Tired

I.need.sleep
Not sure what happened this week, but I am wipped, and need to sleep. Want to bet I will not be able to get it over the weekend?

Reasons

Good posts like good men are hard to compose. I sometimes ask myself why I make myself write every day – ok, ok, as close as possible to every day as I can – and I still do not have any good answers. I am not using the blog as a soap box, been way to sensitive to even try and start. No one would ever shut me up otherwise. But yesterday came close to being the first time I wrote and entry that I thought was well done, honest, not terribly over done and jus right. So I have little to follow that up with. Reminds me of that post on failure the Scientist wrote about the “this I believe” entry on failure.

Like the writer of that essay, I know that only 1 out of 10 posts will be a decent read. I am not kidding myself, most of what goes on here is navel gazing. Little old me focusing on me and my little problems and nothing else, but it is fun and it is my mental exercise, in the middle of proposals and boring documents that have to be written for work. So there I guess that is my reason, also because I do hope to eventually do something more creative with my life and this seems like good training. Another good reason is that I can not afford therapy, and I can afford a half hour or so every day keeping track of my thoughts. Lastly it forces myself to do it, if I was pretending to be a nineteen century heroine and writing my little journal it would never work, besides what would I write for myself, to do lists? Sorry essays on how I am right the world is wrong? Or just accounts of my dry routine. Nah none of them would be challenging and I would stop doing them. This website works like a deadline, where I know that someone will come at some point during the day and if they see a new post they might read it, they might not, but they will not think, this lazy ass knitter has stopped knitting and blogging.

Those are my reasons to blog. My question to all the other bloggers out there is why do you blog ?

Just a Shag ... I thought I knew that

He was looking at me from the stairs at the bar, talking to his friends and holding a beer. Cute, no not cute, good looking very good looking, blue eyes, dark hair, slim body, 5’9” and a runners build. I of course did not think he was looking at me, so I continued going up and got to the second floor of Halo and continued my shenanigans with the boys. But every so often I would feel a look and would find him looking or smiling. I of course looked back and smiled. Finally we got tired of Halo and went to JR’s, as we were walking out I looked around and could not see him, he left already I thought.

Fast forward two hours later to Cobalt, somehow we had decided JR’s was not fun enough and off to the third bar of the night we went. Upstairs the dance floor was ok, we twirled and turned but the music started being repetitive and boring, so we went downstairs and talked a bit more. Slowly the gang starts to melt, people go home, and at the end its just Imelda and me. As we were leaving I looked around and see him smiling me. I do not give this a thought and tell Imelda that I need to go home, and sleep, we head for the door and again I feel the look, and just when I am in the door, Imelda tells me to go and talk to him. Why? I asked, well he has been cruising you all night he said. I question, and ponder and decide to go and see what this one wants. I turned back and went straight to where he stood, with another beer in his hand, say Hi, and start some small conversation, hi I am Pablo, I am Eric he responds. Finally he just leans in and kisses me and asks to stay the night, and I say why not? So off we went on a cab home, Imelda, the trick and me.

We get home and talk a little, guess it’s the get to know each other part, he is from Pennsylvania, 37, cute as can be, we start kissing and making out, he feels good against my skin. Get to bed, undress, and continue, we managed to get up three times through the night and continue. Of course I can detect the smell of beer on him, you know that acrid-sweet smell, reminded me of one of the first boys I dated. We wake up, talk more. He is the youngest of 5, a part time writer. He asks if I have had a long term relationship and I am honest and say, no never lasted more than 5 months. He has been with someone for 7 years, ouch I feel so unaccomplished so we make out a little more. I make coffee and take him home, then go to swim practice and carry out with the day.

When I left him home, we exchanged numbers and he even enquired if I would be available that week. I said yes and told him to call me. He did and I called back but then we never met. For a week or so, I kind of hoped to meet this guy again, if just to see him in day light and talk to him more, and hopefully kiss him a bit more. I left two messages and never heard back and a week later I realized that I had forgotten the first rule of tricking: it was just a shag, just that. I of course chose to forget, but deep down I knew it.

My Drug

This month the swimmie book club is reading “A million little pieces”, a book I am not very interested in, but I am reading it, and I am making strides, but as was the case with the last book, I might not get it done before 2 weeks. There is so much pucking in this book that I feel like I have read about throwing up for the rest of my life. Ok, I am being facetious, the book is interestingly written, I specially enjoy its short prose and its use of sentences in lieu of paragraphs. Reading about addictions makes me always think of mine, for years and years my addiction was doing nothing, sitting around reading, playing the aloof intellectual perpetually misunderstood by my pears. Then I joined the swim team and the whole tune changed, I became more active and by active I mean physically active. I started swimming and then I picked u the gym and I am at a stage where I try to work out everyday, and feel guilty if I do not work out one day. This is stupid and nonsensical I reckon, but I do. I give myself one free day every week – today is the high heel race and it will be the day because I need to be somewhere at 6:30 and there is no time to do anything at the gym. But most days you will find me at the gym or at the pool. Yesterday was no surprise, I left work then went to the gym and lifted, did some abs and spined.
The interesting thing is how exercise changes my state of mind. I had had a long day, with some small tasks at work. I got into a tizzy with a friend that was being bitchy, and as a result I was tired and just ready to go home and sit on my couch. But I know myself well enough, I would not manage an afternoon at home with the TV and nothing else. I went to the gym, and I did the weights (biceps and triceps) and then the abs class, both boring. Then headed to the spin class, and had one of those classes where you are able to do everything and do it right. My legs were tired but the high I get from doing it and being tired and the little pain all over that tells me I have done something right is exhilarating. It is something not all my friends understand, but some do (that would be the Scientist and Imelda). After the gym I got some groceries and came home, watched some TV while the Diplomat and the neighbor came for dinner. After they left and I was putting stuff away, brushing my teeth I realized how addicted to the cardio part of exercise I am. It is not the weights, and sometimes it is not the swimming but it is the spinning and the stair master that give me this sense of happiness that can only be compared with a high. I left the gym ready to slaughter dragons and giants and I am grateful for that, at the same time I am grateful for the insight because it most definitely is something I need to keep in check.

On the subject of man bags

I have a confession; I would love for the man bag to be back in vogue. I have tried to use a satchel – not just any satchel, but a Ben Sherman one – as a murse, but it is too big, and bulky. When I walk into a bar with it, I looks like I just came from school with all my supplies and that is just not chic. So I am in the market for a smaller bag, one where I can carry the following:

Keys

Cell phone

Wallet

Book,

Power bars

Gum

Change

It is not too much to ask is it ? Just a nice, small bag where I can carry all these things. It would alleviate my pockets, because nothing looks worse than a short guy with his pockets full of stuff. I mean I already avoid pleated pants like the plague, not sure who in their right mind would wear pleated pants anyway, but especially if you are short.

Why am I bringing this up, because I have nothing else to say, on the one hand, and an anonymous person left a comment on my previous post with a link to the following picture:

I will never look like a footballer, at all, specially one that is so “straight”. I can say that people that went to school with me were fooled for a while and that I take as a badge of honor, because fooling another queen for 1.5 years is quite the accomplishment. And on more randomness I am feeling better, I am still not completely well, but I am winning over this stupid cold. The only problem is that everyone I know has had this cold, or is in the process of having it, and so the likelihood of my falling sick again, is well great.

Out sick

So, finally broke down and stayed home today to chill and see if I get over this cold. Trying to not do too much, but have some work to do.

Very disappointed at Project Runway, but that is life, your favorites can not win every time - that is what my grandmother says.

Ooooops !!

I have been known to be clumsy. I can not walk on heals, do dainty things, or even try to thread a needle, but at least I have never done this:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061018/od_nm/picasso1_dc

Steven Wynn, was showing one of his Picasso’s after selling it and he literally ripped a whole on the canvass. Now that is being clumsy.

The good, the bad and the ugly

This week the big gay film festival is in town, well, more like the gays are at the Lincoln theater for gay movies. As usual I got a pass, so that I can see as many movies as I want, and not have to deal with the buying tickets, getting in late, and fighting the desire to watch movie, when you have a pass you just go in and watch, you pay, but the hassle diminish and because you have paid you tend to go more often. Anyway, even if you do not go, you feel good because you have given a donation to a decent gay organization – One in Ten.

The big problem with the festival is that the movies tend to be of three types: the good (very scarce), the bad (plentiful) and finally the ugly (depends on the country making the movie and your appreciation of the film in question). Sometimes there are movies that are good and ugly, or bad and ugly, and then there are the good and bad, which means they had some terrific parts and some horrible parts, and you can not make your mind weather the bad was bad enough to hate the movie, or just enough to make you appreciate the few scenes worth watching.

So far I have seen 5 movies and here is the score:

Shortbus – good and bad, I was not complete taken by it.

Boy Culture – bad, bad, bad

C.R.A.Z.Y – good, definitely good.

20 Centimeters – good and ugly, a good movie about a horrible situation, the director made no effort to pretty the reality at all, except for the musical numbers.

Mother Nature – good and bad, had some good looking people and a semi decent story line, but that was it, too crowded, too many subplots and twists and turns and distractions.

Finally last night I watch Divided Sky, it was a Mexican movie and I was not hopeful, but I was interested to see how gay life was portrayed in Mexico City with a Mexican crew and production team. This was a bad and ugly movie. Slow, and with very little dialogue, the story line was not rich enough to keep a 2 hr 15 minute feature running and the actors were not bad, but I never had any buy in, maybe I was never 18 and in love, but I never got it. They never talked! And then there was a narrator that would do voice-overs, where he would explain the emotions the characters felt. The music was not good, and the boys were not that attractive.

I was planning on boring you with reviews of all the movies, but I am completely uninspired today. I am still sick, but I came to work anyway. Today is the Project Rungay finale; I have my dress ready so lets see what everyone else comes up with, can.not.wait.

300,000,000

This is not surprise to anyone, but today, just before I hopped in the shower and headed to work the 300 million person entered the US. According to the US Census it was a likely on of my people, a little Latino baby, we go people! Today is a random day, I am still sick but came to the office because I was bored at home and would not be able to accomplish much.

I have to admit that I am a bit surprised at the response the last post had, I thought about a lot while I was trying to make a dress/outfit for Project Runway’s Finale tomorrow and the more I thought about the more I liked the entry and its response. This is an open forum where we all can air our opinions, thoughts and musings and it is healthy when one does not agree with all one’s friends all the time. It even made me feel like Andrew Sullivan for a change.

On other news I got a new cell phone, it’s a Samsung d something or other, based on the feedback given by everyone but especially by Cherry Ride and the Music Guru. I have yet to name him, it’s a he, I just know. It is also white – no I am not a racist - they had them in grey and white and I thought that this one was not only gayer but more modern and has a sleek feel to it, almost like it belongs in a lounge in NYC. He makes me happy mostly because I can read text messages again and the display is big and clear and I have this great wallpaper of parrot feathers that looks a bit like the rainbow flag, so I might have to change that but I am loving it right now.

For the time being that is all, I could complain about how behind I am on my reading, and my knitting, but there is no point. We all know that.

Welcome to my un-pc world

What do you do when a friend of yours goes to a dinner party with you, and gets mad at un pc comments made by you and others and goes quiet all of sudden. What do you do when you give said friend a ride home, and he says nothing? For once I have decided to do nothing. There is nothing I can apologize for, nor there anything that was personal or even wrong – in my view – that happened. I guess I should just write about what happened and let you make up your mind.

Yesterday a lovely dinner was had at the architect’s house, with a very interesting group of people, I guess mostly singles – except for the couple hosting the party – and with a majority of non swimmers. The conversation flowed in all directions, but as usual the conversation took a turn towards crime, and I mentioned that what the city need sis ruthless police work, and the rest of the guests chimed in. No, for once I was neither the most outspoken nor the harshest – people change I guess – but as soon as the subject was dealt with, my friend quieted down. I just knew that his ultra-liberal self had been insulted, and I wanted to apologize but he is the one person that this happens repeatedly with. The dinner party continued and we left and that was when I truly felt it, but for once I decided not to apologize, not to take the blunt of responsibility, I realized that I can not carry a dinner party on my shoulders, specially when I was flirting with the boy on my left.

And now is when I get to do my little tirade, because of all the people in the world, I find those overeducated liberals that are always fighting the lost causes a little bit off, like not grounded on reality. Unfortunately my friend is one of those, with a bachelor’s from and Ivy League School in Boston and a PhD from another one, he hardly counts as one of the many oppressed by the American system. I have to recognize that yes, he is a gay man, and a minority, but he grew up in San Francisco and has had many, many opportunities. So please do not come and get offended when crime is discussed and people that have been mugged or know personally of people that have been attacked, are well, not willing to give people a pass.

Breath in, breath out, end of rant!

It was a fabulous weekend, watched four movies; one was terrible the other three went from excellent to good.

PS. Do not tell the Diplomat, but my legs hurt, I made the mistake of doing legs Saturday before the movies and I did not stretch. Can you say Lactic acid?

I am ... coming out !

This week, as a result of MAM – Miss Adams Morgan – or just luck, I have had to tell 2 coworkers I am gay. It was an empowering moment, because it allowed me to confirm that with some people at work I can be out and all is fine and will continue to be fine. The funny thing is how round about the conversations happened. The interesting one was with out Office Manager/HR head, she is a great lady and I have a good relationship with her, but had never had the homo talk, I knew she knew.

The conversation happened very casually we were in our kitchen having lunch, watching TV, and for some reason the subject of cars came up. I mentioned how pragmatical I am when it comes to cars and that I could never buy a sporty, impractical car, because even it was just me, I always think of times when I need to drive people around, or go to the supermarket or the mall and where am I going to put my bags? She said that she knew exactly what I meant, she was the same and we both compared the types of cars we had both acquired lately.

Then she maid a funny comment, she mentioned how she had a driven a Mercedes, that was a friend of a friend’s car. But it was weird, the way she said it. So I asked about the car and she said she loved it but she is not ready for it. So I thought the conversation was over and as I was going to turn back to the TV, but she continued talking about the car, and how it was a convertible and had a hard roof and it was great but so impractical. The she maid her confession, she said that her husband’s best friend was gay and that the Mercedes was his partner’s car. Aha! I thought, I knew there was some weird reference to something in the “friend of a friend” phrase. So I said well you know I am gay and she said that yeah she knew and then we discussed living in the city and living in the suburbs and how as a gay man I could not live in the suburbs, mainly because I am single and need to be where the single people are, and secondly because I do not need to pay private school for kids. She said she could never live in the city but that she knew exactly what I meant and then we talked about her gay friend and his partner, who love their dogs, have a lot of money, travel all the time, been married – so she referred to the partner as husband – for 5 years and live in upstate New York. Not to be upstaged I mentioned the swim team, and all the multiple couples I know and how long they have been together – funny how it became like a competition, where I could not brag of a partner for my own, but dam it, I know partnered people too.

As is usual she told me how the husband’s friend, who was their best man, came out to her during a party. How she had no idea, how if he was single she would introduce him to me- the fact that I live in DC and he lives in up State New York, seems not be a problem in the straight world I assume. It was a fun little conversation, so leave it to beaver, about gay and straight couples and nice houses and cars, so of course I had to up the ante and mentioned how I was so wiped after MAM. She asked what it was, and I told her the whole story, she looked at me, and she said that she had a coworker when she worked for Marriot who was not just gay, but did drag on the side – shocker I know – and then asked me if I wanted to tell her something, so I just said, well D, of course I have done drag, but I am not sure people in the office are ready for the pictures.

So there, now there is probably a rumor that the token fag in the office is a part time drag queen, oh if they only knew that my make up skills are nill.

My kingdom for a shell

This week, I was talking to the Diplomat and realized that in the last 4 years I have managed to loose my shell. We both agreed that we had both lost out shells, but in this case I choose to talk about my shell – I mean this is my blog, so I get to choose when the attention is on me. Well so what do I mean by my shell, you ask, before I became a social person, I was a very introverted guy, who had realized he was gay, but could not really deal with it and who knew his friends could most certainly not deal with it, so instead of developing emotionally honest friendships, chose to have friends and acquaintances but no real connection.

I was the king of chit-chat. I have always had tons to say, but never something meaningful about myself. In that manner I survived High School and university and moved to the States. But as I started coming out, and realizing that people were ok with the fact that I was gay and that they even liked me – I was surprised – I lost a shell I had built to protect myself. It was heavy but very useful. It kept me in my comfort zone and helped me focus on the many tasks at hand. In this way I merrily rolled along, doing, doing, and doing always doing but rarely feeling anything. Then of course I joined the swim team and “blossomed” – a word I am stealing from a psychologist that told my parents I need to be allowed to fail a couple of classes in middle school so that I would blossom, poor thing she was clueless – into this man I have become. But the price I have paid is that I had to leave my shell somewhere between Arlington and DC, and now I feel vulnerable. I feel like I have given too much control to others, and that a big part of who I am is a response to others and the need to be liked and accepted. The irony is that the more I am accepted the more I feel like I need to keep being accepted, and of course now I do not need to hide the fact that I am gay – except with Mom, sorry Mom, you are not ready yet, well maybe you are, but I am definitely not ready for you to know.

To make a story short, I miss my shell, and the days when I thought that “I was an island”. Specially when you organize things and take part in group decision and realize that someone will always be mad, or will disagree with my judgment. I should have known this was going to happen when I joined the board of the swim team, but I am just tired of being surprised and hurt by people criticism and opinions.

Sigh, but do not worry dear reader, I am planning to turn into a tortoise again. I just need to develop a hard skin. It was to be hard enough to make me resilient to others but thin enough to let me care about what is important. I guess that is the key, to find what is really important and to not worry about the rest. Wow, I guess there is some depth underneath my rolls of fat, now how does one go about figuring the important things out? If you know, let me know.

More adventures in Grocery Shopping

NB. The first three paragraphs of the post were written yesterday they last one was written today.

Eating healthy is a goal, a necessity and part of my routine, or so I like to think. Of course there are always days when I fall of the wagon and have some Oreo cookies – or cukis, like I say – or some fries, or a second helping of something or other. But mostly I stay honest. To stay honest I need to get good groceries and to get good groceries I need to go to Whole foods. Any reader of mine knows, I am huge fan of Whole foods, the Diplomat always makes fun of me for going there, but I love the layout, the fact that it’s a small market and that I find almost everything I need there. I have to confess that I will buy paper towels, detergent toothbrushes and all that at the regular supermarket, because I do not like the cleaning and miscellaneous organic products.

Because the weekend was, well hectic, I ended up with no food at home, none whatsoever, and yesterday when I got home the only thing edible in my fridge was a wedge of Manchego. Today I went to Wholefoods while on my lunch break and got the usual, coffee, tomatoes, bananas, apples, the very staples of any house, things that keep for a week and that can be part of snacks or meals. The only extravagance in my list was coffee, and that was because I tried this new Mexican Coffee from Oaxaca. But other than that, I did not get anything expensive, such as wine, or dessert or prosciutto or anything. Well I paid 90 bucks, yes 90 bucks for 4 small bags of groceries. I mean who can pay those prices ? Apparently everyone in this area –the market was packed with gays, yuppies, hippies and soccer moms, but not me. The tomatoes alone were $ 9.64, that a whole meal in Mexico City!

No wonder people are obese, if you choose all the unhealthy foods and go out and eat processed food you could get the same amount of meals I got for half the price, but of course you get thrice the calories. What is a fatty to do? I am already in a battle with my metabolism should I just stop based on prices? I do not think so. Anyway I am not planning on changing my purchasing plans, unless I go back to an office closer to a better regular market, but damn my wallet is in shock.

Jump 12 hours for me, and today (Wednesday) I open the bag of carrots I bought yesterday and as usual, they were soaked. That is not necessarily a problem, but they were beginning to rot. Half the carrots were beginning to have a funny smell or a slimy feel which makes me gag – not the only thing that makes me gag – and I had to through them out. Arggghhhhh I hate throwing food out, but what was I to do eat rotten vegetables? So the only solution will be to follow the Scientist advice and get the non pealed carrots and chop a few every day, sigh. I guess I just figured what my lunch errand will be today.

Quiet Tuesday

Not much to say today, except that I am tired. I got a massage yesterday and the poor masseuse was exhausted and not only that but I fell asleep after the whole thing – which never happens to someone as high strung as me.

I am afraid it is one of those days, where being productive is a challenge. It is like I can not concentrate at all. Probably some side effect of Alzheimer or something, or perhaps the lack of working out. I have not seen the gym in a month, seriously, a month. After shaving my legs, I went spinning yesterday and realized they look like Miss Piggy’s legs. I am not kidding. They are so pink and … rotund.

The good news is that I uploaded the pictures from SF, the B’day party and Miss Adams Morgan to my computer and I cam putting them in Picasa and cropping, editing and deleting where as I see fit. Also I need some pictures from the Diplomat who has more pictures of the party and Miss Adams.

In the mean time I am teasing you with this pretty shot of two beauties making their way home at 2:30 in the morning:

My Feet hurt

After 1.5 hours of trimming, and shaving and plucking I was ready. I put my dress, globes, jewelry, nylons and shoes on a bag. I then got the makeup I already had and some extras just in case someone needed something else and headed out the door to pick the Diplomat and the Neighbor and take them to the drag house where we were all getting ready.

We got there at 4:30 and started applying makeup, this year I was determined not to let my five o’clock shadow show, well at least not let it show within an hour of shaving, so applied conceiler – not sure what the spelling is – then base then the rest. What a nightmare, putting the eye makeup is a pain in the …. Awful not sure how women do it every day. I could not at all. And even after I did you could see my shadow after several hours. But regardless the look was much more professional than last years Kelly Osborne pre-rehab do. Besides at the very last minute I got a coat, because the evening was going t be chilly, a fabulous fake fur coat I might add.

So two hours later we were all dolled up, literally not figuratively, and off we went to the Hilton on Connecticut. Lets just say that as in most gay events the more you go the more fun you have. I am not sure why that is, but for the first time in three years of going, I was able to enjoy it all, and I was not paying attention to the show. For those that do not know the Miss Adams Morgan is a beauty pageant with a talent portion that runs for three hours and there is not a lot of talent. But one has to give the girls credit for putting the show together. It is also funny how drag transforms people, it transforms me and even with no liquor on me, or very little, I was stone sober the entire evening, it gives you permission to let go and just have fun besides because we are all dressed up, there is no added pressure of meeting people or being attractive, or looking too fat too short or too ugly (that is for me, for the rest, well they have their own issues to resolve) but those are mine. Anyway fun was had by all, I saw old friends, made some new ones, mostly people who wanted to take my picture – I blame it on the hair, beautiful blond wig the approximate size of Pluto – or the great pink dress that made me look chic and sophisticated., or the heals which bring me to the subject of the post. How on earth do women do it? How someone tell me.

I wore these shoes: in gold, so do some imagination, no online pic of the gold, use your imaginations:

And they went very well with the dress and were comfortable to begin with, but later as the evening progressed and we walked from the hotel to JR’s, from JR’s to Annie’s, from Annie’s to my car and then home, they got increasingly painful. The more time passed the less I could walk. I was able to stand still no problem, but the walking. I tried everything, taking the shoes off that did not work, putting them back on, that didn’t work, small steps, big steps, different steps, nothing, nothing worked.

Yes there are pictures, but I need to do that at home, these are not pictures that can be downloaded at work, not with the cubes we have here where everyone can see into everyone else’s business. I leave you with the following image:

The last table at Annie’s, 10 tired and somewhat drunk guests sitting down for breakfast or dinner – what do you call the meal at 1 am?. When all of a sudden a lounge singer comes with her back up singers, after everyone has eaten and renditions of Carpenter songs are sung to the dismay or joy of the rest of the patrons.

Somewhat back to regular scheduled programming

It is weird after three weeks to sit in my desk and look over the grey paneling of my cube and see that nothing really changed. Everything is as I left it, except me that is. The last three weeks have been harrowing, and long, it feels like I was gone for ages, yet it was just a month – if you count the week I spent in San Francisco with the family.

The trip was great, we all had fun, and I told dad, yes it slipped out, before breakfast one morning but no discussion was had. It felt like a news bulletin that was not digested or analyzed, but it is out there. What I told dad you ask, well I told him I was never going to have children, mainly because I am gay. So now he knows, not sure what he is going to do with it, but something for sure. I need to post some of the pictures of the trip, but not sure how, since I need to give my family access to them and I am not sure my mom is ready to see the Chicago pictures of me in a peach dress and blond curls. So need to put them up somewhere so that they can see them and then take them down, or just send them prints of the best pictures. Not sure how I will solve the dilemma. Of course it’s a stupid dilemma o have because a friend of mine that studied her LLM with my cousin in G’town stumbled upon my yahoo pictures and asked about the camping trip, of course that is not the only folder out there, so for sure she saw the others. And if she has seen them , lord knows who else has seen them, and the chain can be built ad infinitum, though I am sure my parents are not tech savvy enough get there themselves unless someone shows them. And if that happens, well, pffff, I will face the music and dance. But this is not a post about personal privacy and what happens when one goes online, that is beyond me and once I started blogging I realized I would loose some of that privacy. On the other hand I do not believe I am interesting or important enough for people to keep tabs on me, so it is not one of my concerns.

There was an emotional hiccup, when at the end of the trip I could tell my dad wanted to say something, yet I was doing my bags, getting ready for bed and all those little details one needs to take care of when your flight leaves at 7 am the next morning, at that time we almost had a conversation about it. I could tell that there was something that he was going to tell me, but I just did not know what to say, how to bring it up. So I decided not to make it easy for him, and he never said a word. He watch me pack my bags, call a cab and then as I looked up and saw him sitting on the other bed in the room looking back at me, waiting to say something, something I am hoping a would have been “Son, we love you anyway, plus we knew already”. But nothing came out, so I picked up the book I was reading and read for 20 minutes or so. There was no point in me asking if he wanted to say something, I thought he would. He didn’t. So I read for 20 minutes and went to bed.

Anyway, besides this little emotional page out of The Remains of the Day, the trip was fantastic. I ate to much, and gained like 3 or 4 pounds, and visited all these places I did not know. I loved the De Young Museum, the collection is terrible but the new building is a work of art worth visiting even if it was empty and fell in love with Carmel by the Sea, one of those little picturesque towns where one can see the beauty of the Pacific Ocean and can smell and feel the money of the town. We did some shopping – we are Mexicans - that is what we do when we go “visit” other countries. It was a great time, and it made me realize how much I adore my family, with all its little quirks and idiosyncrasies.

See I am back, I will post about the torturous classes I took and the project I failed on tomorrow or Friday. My self confidence is shaken and felt that I needed to write about SF before I can write about the three weeks that followed. I have not seen the gym in a month, yes, one month. I am officially the size of a minky whale.

Game over

I finished my class and project yesterday and here is the score:

Exam 1 - Pass
Exam 2 - Pass
Exam 3 - Pass
Project - Failed

So i there ya go. A little more when I am done with catching up with work email.

Yous truly,

The retard