Friday, March 02, 2007

Fear


This Sunday, yours truly will travel to North Carolina to start a new chapter in the laboral life – is that the right term in English, I am not sure. Yesterday as I was wrapping things up and seeing how there is a lot that I need to get done today, I suffered and anxiety attack as I was driving back to the gym. Many things went through my head, all of them at the same time, here is a glimpse:

  • I am not bright enough and I will stink at the new project
  • I will eat like a hog and become the Michelin man
  • I will not be able to deal with the travel back and forth
  • I will hate the people there and shut down slowly but surely
  • I will miss all this things happening in DC and will be slowly forgotten

I know I am an idiot for thinking all these, but when you are home, tired after a long week and the only thing on TV is an old rerun of Ugly Betty, you mind can spin out of control. I did what any self respecting fag would do, had some chocolate, took 2 Tylenol PM’s, read for 30 minutes and was asleep at 10 pm.

Today the sun is out there, and I am feeling better, getting things done – as much as I can. Even planning on getting myself a new personal laptop for personal uses in my travels.

4 comments:

HTinsley said...

Pablito, I know EXACTLY what you are going through, but let me just say from experience that you will do really well at this new job. I know this because: a) you are extremely super smart, b) you are a Type A overachieving perfectionist who always does way better than he thinks he is doing, and c) I have been going through the same thing at work and even though I don't believe them, people tell me I am doing a smashing job. So there you have it. I don't promise you won't panic ever again, but I DO know you will do FAHBULOUSLY. I just know it.

Gay Canuck in the Capital said...

Ditto. I have every confidence in you. And yes it will be hard, but you will face those fears. And you know, some of them might come true a little bit, but that's life. We take risks and in some ways they are really positive and in other, not so much. Live and learn. It's either that or not take chances at all. And that sucks!

Anonymous said...

Te admiro por compartir tus miedos, no cualquiera. Como dijo gay_c aqui arriba: lo peor que puedes hacer es no hacer nada y no tomar riesgos. No es seguro que te vaya a gustar la experiencia pero es un hecho que vas a crecer! Y cada fin de semana vas a ver a tus amigos con mas ganas que antes :)

Anonymous said...

Ditto from me too!

One thing I can add is that we Washingtonians are accustomed to a very high level of work, in terms of sophistication, complication, intensity, and duration. The vast majority of the US works at a much lower level in all respects(notable exception: NYC). As a result, to quote the song, "If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere!" Honestly, not only do I know you'll do great, I know that you can do great while working at half your current level--which is probably only 75% of your actual ability anyway.

This won't set in until you've learned the new phone system, computers, bathrooms, and so forth, but believe me it will happen. In a month you'll be astounded at both your success and how little effort is required for it!