Missed Opportunities

A Saturday night three weeks ago, I am in JR’s listening to show tunes with the Diplomat and the Cowboy. We were there enjoying what was to be the last show tunes with the Cowboy for a while at least and an architect, no lets not confuse with the Architects, another architect came up and talked to me. He is kinda sorta my type and we talked for a while and even my chaperons agreed that he seemed interest. This came as no surprise; I knew this person from before and even if your circles of friends are somewhat close, he has never been someone I even knew by first name, but I had talked to him on several occasions and I always thought, ummm he interesting.

This particular Saturday we were on a tight schedule, because there was a farewell and party and at 8, as soon as the last show tune played we promptly left the bar to go help the Cowboy set up and all that. As I left I talked to him and said that I wanted his number and that next time he saw me he should give it to me. He demurred, and I have him a quick kiss as I left the bar. Of course that was a great ego boost, and I proceeded to have a very good time at the farewell party.

I did not think much of my promise to get his number and my lack of balls to ask it and get it that Saturday because I see him at show tunes on pretty regular basis, so the next Monday was the Golden Globes and we skipped JR’s in lieu of a viewing of the award show. I again thought well I will see this guy next weekend or next Monday, the Diplomat and I usually go to JR’s after Monday’s practice. In an ideal world I would see him the Monday after, but guess what, he does not show. Then to add insult to injury he does not show there last night at all. Of course the diplomat informs me that his best friend moved to NY and of course now I am left there in the cold, with no number and no way of even knowing where this architect is.

Lesson is, dear readers, ask for the number. Do not wait !

That being said this is DC, so hopefully I will see him around, maybe, maybe not, I guess this time its all on the fates hands.

I am blue …

Monday January 27^th, 7:00 am. I am putting the ground coffee on my new French coffee press and putting water to boil, and as I turn the burner on and prepare to go hit the shower I realize that I am just feeling blue. The weird thing is there is nothing to be blue about, nothing. I had a great weekend, went to target and bought some not so necessary things, but still I got some great stuff that will help my daily life – such as a shredder. Went ice skating and had a great time. Went to Freddie’s and got hit on by a cute young thing and saw the one who gave me back my groove last year. To top it all went swimming yesterday and after a horrible practice on Saturday I managed to have one of the best practices ever on Sunday.

But still I am blue. Perhaps it’s the cold, perhaps its my mind playing games with me, or me playing games with myself and some other people. Not sure, but the only thing I know is I am blue, like the man in that awful techno song from sometime in the mid 90’s. And no matter how many comforts I have I can not feel any other way. Even the weather is nice, well at least it is sunny and I just got what any gay man dreams of, a pair of new shoes that is cute and young without being too cute or trying to be too young. Those were a find I owe to the Canuck and the Imelda who out of happenstance went into a shoe store on Sunday where I was the only one who got shoes. So what am I to do, of course the first mistake is overanalyzing – which I am all ready doing - but I have to start somewhere right?

My fine is ...

$ 500.05

I am impressed with my prude self.

Just because I have no energy, i leave you with this funny cartoon for all the whinners (is that the correct spelling, who am I kidding, I do not care) out there:

Little test for you all out there

Here’s how it works: You don’t have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine. (Not per incident!) Tally up your score and post it on your blog with the title… ”My Fine Is…”

Smoked pot — $10
Did acid — $5
Ever had sex at church — $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you — $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace — $25
Had sex for money — $100
Vandalized something — $20
Had sex on your parents’ bed — $10
Beat up someone — $20
Been jumped — $10
Crossed dressed — $10
Given money to stripper — $25
Been in love with a stripper — $20
Kissed some one who’s name you didn’t know — $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work — $15
Ever drive drunk — $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk — $50
Used toys while having sex — $30
Got drunk, passed out and don’t remember the night before — $20
Went skinny dipping — $5
Had sex in a pool — $20
Kissed someone of the same sex — $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex — $20
Cheated on your significant other — $10
Masturbated — $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend — $20
Done oral — $5
Got oral — $5
Done/got oral in a car while it was moving — $25
Stole something — $10
Had sex with someone in jail — $25
Made a nasty home video — $15
Had a threesome — $50
Had sex in the wild — $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex — $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars — $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older — $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 — $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time — $50
Said you love someone but didn’t mean it — $25
Went streaking — $5
Went streaking in broad daylight — $15
Been arrested — $5
Spent time in jail — $15
Peed in the pool — $0.50
Played spin the bottle — $5
Done something you regret — $20
Had sex with your best friend — $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work — $25
Had anal sex — $80
Lied to your mate — $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good — $25

I will post my fine tomorrow morning after doing all the counting !!!!

Bitter Bear

Yesterday, as I was browsing the internet’s I read this gem on DurbanBud’s blog:

A BitterBear is a furry, athletic, gay man ranging in age from his late 20's to mid 50's, who believes the world now owes him something, since he has finally gotten into moderate to great shape, after years of neglect -- and if he feels these accolades are not bestowed upon him, he throws hissy fits and constantly bitches. He thinks he is the shit now, but his maturity level has been at a standstill since high school. Steroid users, guys who came out late in life, and aging club kids tend to be BitterBears.

I think a new gay phrase has been born!

Also refraining from analyzing its implications for me or my readership … lets just say that we are all bitterbears at some point or other. Hence the need for the year of positive thinking.

Cleaning before the cleaning lady

I am a Latin princess, yes this will not come as a shock to any of you my dear readers, but sometimes this Latin princess has to clean and organize and those are the times he feels happier and content. Last night, I got home from a meeting at 5 ish and cleaned and cleaned, why? because the cleaning lady is coming today. It sounds moronic to clean before the cleaning lady I know, but because she only comes once every 3 weeks she doesn’t have time to sort things and put things away. Back home cleaning ladies have more time and hence they put stuff away and they do a bit more than here for a lot less, let me tell y’all. Regardless I organized, I did some laundry because Edith poor thing can not do all my laundry especially after 4 weeks or so, and I even cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes. I am such a good housekeeper some times I even impressed myself. After 2 hours of organizin’ the house looked good enough not to have a cleaning lady come, but then I noticed the floors and I thought, good thing Edith is coming.

But seriously, I could clean my apartment, I could. But who wants to spend 2 hours cleaning when one can have someone else do it? I sure do not. I do feel guilty, because there are a lot of other things I could be doing with the money. Lots of things can be bought such as therapy, a new wardrobe, kitchen appliances, books, yarn and all those wonderful things. Rest assured that today when I walk home at 9:30 pm or so, after a long day at work, then a workout and a b’day celebration I will walk in to a clean house and a made bed with clean sheets and I will think it is worth all the yarn and books I can not buy.

Snow and the Labyrinth

DC was covered in snow last night, well not covered, but we had some snow, which in this city translates to the city closes down, no one works and the stores run out of water, milk and toilet paper – because of course during snowstorms the need for toilet paper increases exponentially for some reason that evades natural logic or laws.

I am home, working on some documentation and will actually have to go to a meeting in resting at 2, which means I do have to drive, no I am not happy about this turn of events but what can I do, I am going to meet the VP of Services of my customer.

The weekend as uneventful, saw Pan’s Labyrinth and loved it, it was a great movie. I know the Gay Canuck hated it, I liked it a lot. I understood all the violence and liked how he brought back fantasy and story telling as it was in the old days when stories were not sanitized by Disney. If you have not seen the movie, what you need to know is that it is a parable about how good actions might not win at the end of day but that by some karmic connection they are rewarded. Also it is a story of how fantasy can help us cope with the direst of circumstances, but that fantasy alone is not enough and that sometimes all the best intentions in the world will still not win the battle at the end of the day. Finally it is a beautifully crafted movie, that shows us a war where 1 million people died, and how tit broke down the social fabric that made a nation. I can talk about all this in the first person because my 4 grandparents fought and lost that Spanish Civil War and as a result I was born in Mexico City under circumstances that would have never happened in Spain. If you like fantasy, and have a good stomach - I do not, but I still went - go see this movie, you can always close your eyes when the blood starts to flow.

In knitting news I started what promised to be a pretty, pretty red scarf last night.

Volver

I know it comes as no surprise that I like Almodovar, and his movies. To me they are a world that is close by, the world of Spanish women and their idiosyncrasies. I love his descriptions, the way that world he puts on the screen at times real and at time fantastical, blends together to give you a sense that reality is more than what it appeared before you went into the theater. Also there is the way he can finds humor and dignity in the most tragic and macabre circumstances. So go see Volver, it is not his best picture, by any means, but it is a great movie, the characters feel real and the situation at hand, goes from murder to chuckles in 5 seconds.

I have to agree with the Canuck that Volver is not his best movie, in my opinion his best movie is “All about my mother” and from an artistic point of view, “Talk to her” was jarring and beautiful all at once, but disturbing in the way only European moves can be.

So if you like movies, and you enjoy ensemble pieces, where it takes 6 extraordinary women to tell a story, go get your tickets now. If you do not understand the female universe, and want to see a less biased story, then skip it. Hopefully his next movie will be a comedy –comedy again.

PS. Can you tell I am in training and I had to can all these posts? LOL will post live again next Monday when I get back in the office.

When you like the writing but hate the characters

Last month’s book was called “On Beauty”, for those who do not know this, I am in a book club, and the main reason I joined was to read book I would not normally chose. This particular reading circle is very gay and very varied; we all have strong opinions and tastes. So far we have only read 4 books, so we are just getting started, and we take turns choosing what to read. For December, the Imelda chose the latest Zadie Smith book, which I had wanted to rea, but never really got to it. So I went home with it and read it. It was an easy task after all when you are flying 9 hours each way and you are home, just waiting on people or doing errands you have time to read. I finished the book in about 2 weeks, and I liked the writing, I thought the book was written very well but the staory had big flaws and I could not care about any of the characters – with the exception of one. I know she won the Orange Price for fiction with it, and was short listed for the Booker, but seriously some of the story lines just faded away and some were irrelevant. But it was writing was very good, and enjoyable and easy to read and deep and funny and sad at times. Unfortunately that was just the writing, the characters were all, crazy and petty and not likeable at all. Sow what do you do? How do you praise a book you enjoyed reading but you felt nothing about? How do you say this is a good book, based on grammar and structure alone?

I guess this is why I joined the book club to read more of these books, and less of books that I know I will like because they agree with my point of view and my life’s experiences. Still I have no answer to the questions above, except to give a mixed review.

Farewell Mr. Cowboy

This was another busy weekend, I have plenty of ideas to talk about, but I will start by the end, so that I have something to say for the rest of the week. Today is MLK, and I am at work, I feel like everyone else and their mother is at home sleeping, while I sip burned coffee and eat some fruit I bought from the deli downstairs. The life of the consultant what can I say.

Back to my tale, after 4 years swimming and 4 years of knowing the cowboy, finally he is moving to Atlanta. He has been talking about it for years, he hates winter and he always wanted to live south, finally he got a job and he is moving. In his honor, dinner, Show tunes and a Party were done. They were all great; we started with a low key dinner Friday, just 4 people at a nice restaurant. The next day Show tunes and the formal party which was a blast, there were people from all the different spheres of his life and we all got together pretty well, finally on Sunday I just went to JR’s to have one last drink and see him off to what promised to be a terrific night – remember most people are not working today, just me.

Do not get me wrong, I am not very sentimental but there is that little part of me that hates seeing people go, maybe it is because I like this city and by people saying they do not like it, indirectly it is like saying they do not like what I like, and I love when people enjoy what I like or approve off. Yes I am that controlling. But anyway, the cowboy, even if he did not swim he was one of the central parts of the swim team, our creative person if you want to give him a title of sorts. He was the person that would come up with the best ideas for Pride, and Pink Flamingo. You wanted to go do something fabulous you went to the cowboy; he usually knew how to go about it. He was fun and after a while one realized that there was more to him than jut boys and dancing.

Wow, this is beginning t sound like a eulogy, and trust me he is far from dead, so I will end this saying that I will be waiting for him to come back, because no matter what, people always come back to DC and we – the swim team and his friends – are always in need for fabulosity and merriment, and the living vicariously.

One last thing, Mr. Cowboy, if you are reading this, you better swim for us in Paris, no ifs, no buts no nothing

Unhappy morning

Today coming to work took longer than expected, it is all partly my fault, and partly not. I will let you be the judge. I had to be in the office by 8 am, to go over some reports that were going to be demoed and I had to leave my place at 7 to be here on time, well a little bit earlier. So I woke up at 6, and left my place at 7:05, headed for the gas station on Connecticut Ave and Calvert, when I get there I had all kinds of trouble with the credit card thingy – the thing where one pays – and then I could not select the grade of gas I wanted. This being 7 am and it being cold I tried upgrading the fuel grade and all, but still could not get a single drop of gas into my car. So walked in, and they tell me none of the pumps were working, none, of course they did not had any announcements saying this. So I drove down to DuPont Circle and went into the BP at 18^th St and S, and when I try to use my card to pay, I notice the screen is blank. I am thinking, not again, where am I going to put gas ?

I notice a little note, saying that the credit card was not working at that pump, but I was already late, so walked to the little store, and paid cash – at least I had cash, I rarely have cash to begin with - and was finally able to put gas and drive to work at 7:28 am. Can you believe it ? Only in DC would such a thing happened. It is my fault because I should have bought the gas when I left the pool last night. See I am 30 and I still do not learn.

Of course I came in 8:17 am or so, and by the time I was here, the project manager was already here and they meeting at 9, had been postponed until yesterday!!!

I guess these are the things that make my life sooo exciting, sigh.

PS. Leaving you with a pretty picture I took at the Monterey Aquarium of some pretty fishes

Get the …. Out of my class

Yesterday I went to the gym for Chisel, a class I enjoy because after 1 hour of doing lift-aerobics I feel like I have exercised for 3 hours instead of one, and it is one of the classes where my body feels the pain and I can not get used to the strain, so I feel it is good for me. Ok, you can call me a masochist, but if I feel something is good, well then I pursue it. In order to be there on time, I left work at 5:00 to be downtown at 5:45, class starts at 6:15 and that would give me time to park, change and even go to the shoe repair shop across the street from the gym and make it in time for class to set up the step and get the body bar ,weights, water and etc, etc. So I do that, I dropped a pair of brown boots to be resoled, (it came up to $50, but I love those boots and they are comfy and go well with slacks and jeans, so what was I to do?) dashed into the locker room, changed and got to the class. It was 6 pm, 15 minutes before class started and it was packed. I had to perch my step at the end of the classroom, by the windows and the boxing equipment. Then to make matters worse this little girl comes behind me and takes the spot right behind me and just smiles and excuses herself.

I am not new at this class, no I am not. Been doing it for 6 months now, I am the kind of pupil that knows what to do, how to lay the equipment out and is ready for the class to start while stretching (yes, I am stretching now, you know who you are) and yesterday’s class was annoying. These women all had their work bags, their purses, their workout bags, and they tried to come in late, and get a space somewhere. It was chaos, even the instructor was overwhelmed. But a minute before the class started things kind of quieted down and we were able to proceed, but even after the class started this woman walks in still dressed in office clothes and heels, and tried to get a spot. Agghh, I thought of leaving the class, but I thought, I have to stay and finish, it is my only exercise of the day and just struggled through. After and hour of huffing and puffing we are all tired, trying to do the last lunges and 5 minutes before the class finished, all these girls start to pack up and leave. They did not even had the courtesy to wait for everyone to finish, they ran, and started putting things away as we were trying to finish, and giggled their way out of the classroom.

So I ask myself don’t they know of the existence of locker rooms, where multiple bags can be locked? Do they know of the basic gym etiquette? apparently not. This is the first time I have been to the gym this year, it is crazy, everyone (the regulars) all complained, and it is to be expected, its all the new year’s resolutions, but let me give all you new year’s resolution crowd some advice, before you fork down 80 bucks and month for Results, think about it, you are seriously upsetting my January routine.

And, no I am not a woman hater, but people, things need to stop somewhere, or the gym will have to ask for sign up lists for most classes and assigning steps, in the same way they assign bikes for spinning.

End of rant…

Positive thinking, diet and exercise

As much as I would want to write about the mountains of positive thoughts I have had this past week, I need to explain some of the details of the Year of Positive Thinking, and they are simple really, positive thinking alone doesn’t help, we still have to do the hard work. If we want to become positive human beings we have to do the reading, exercising, dieting and pruning necessary, the mind alone is not all the powerful. It is because of this that today I go back to swimming and the gym and semblance of a routine of sorts. I know this sounds regimented and not flexible, but quite the contrary, it is about basically making sure I swim 4 times per week ad hit the gym 3, in which ever order they happen it does not matter, but they need to happen.

As my mother put it, during breakfast at the airport in Mexico City, I managed to put on 4 pounds in 2 weeks, of course I had not time to exercise – I walked a lot, and I tried not to over eat, but hey it was Christmas and New Year’s – and I was on vacation, and while on vacation one is allowed to eat, because eating is a pleasure.

Then there are the other things that I want to work on is my reading, I used to be a great reader and now I am not, so I at the very least have to read every book we read at the book club, and try and squeeze some other books, I brought 3 from Mexico, I do not want to forget my Spanish. I think that I have put on too much emphasis on the physical and not enough on the intellectual. It is a result of being gay, and being around gay people, we notice the physical because we are youth centered, and there is nothing wrong with being fit and thin, but if you are fit and trim but can only speak about your workout routine and what you can and can not eat, you are not really interesting to me, and above all we all need to become interesting to ourselves, then we will become interesting to others and we can connect.

Ok, I know, do not call Oprah on me yet, I am not yet ready to give advice to anyone, but this is my plan for the year, those are my two simple goals, read and exercise. I am aware that I will not be able to keep both up constantly, work ad life do happen, and usually when you have least planned for them. But at the very least it gives me a sense of the structure I am trying to build this year. Sorry Minky and Beluga, we need t say goodbye and part ways, it was a great ride, or … er swim I guess.

Let’s all keep it up and we will have a great year.

Maybe tomorrow I can post my knitting goals, and then my plans for world domination.

Where is Winter?

Ok, I am back, back, as in back in DC. I know, I have used the word back way too many times in the first line of the paragraph already, but that is me. So I had a great time back home, ate my way through the holidays and now I need to get back on the healthy bandwagon, nothing a week at the gym will not take care off. Otherwise the trip was fabulous; I saw old friends and family. Did some good shopping and even managed to write my January Cards, yes a new tradition I came up with, I call it send something in the month when people really need to know you care. So I sent cards to the people who sent me cards, and decided to not worry about the rest and politics and all those nasty things. But I managed to do that and I posted them today from here, cuz they will arrive sooner.

The only problem in the trip was that my allergies acted up and I have been high on Claritin for 2 weeks now and even here I am feeling groggy and constipated. I came to the office to no have to ask for vacation and to post and create some cool play lists and not feel out of the loop. As you can see my life is complicate, LOL. The other issue I have had lately – ravishing news I am telling you, I know – is that my sleep cycle is all messed up, for some reason the vacation, the nerves about traveling, getting a visa and a new passport and coming back, or what but I have not slept well in like a 4 days. I just stared at the ceiling and wait for sleep to come visit, but he resists. I might have to get ambian or something to help, but maybe this weekend as things come back to normalcy my body will adjust to its usual schedule. Falling asleep at 1:30 am and waking up at 6:30 is not fun. But those are my only two problems, so I guess I am good to go, the year is new and as most people I have some sort of resolutions.

I should phrase this better, they are not resolutions they are “goals” or “directives”. A lot of people do not believe in them, but I think that they are useful; they remind me of where I want to be and how I am planning on getting there. When I was a kid we would write down all 12 resolutions, as a child it was hard coming up with 12 things to do, but each year the same ritual would happen, we would check last year’s and see what we managed to accomplish (not much I assume, I can’t remember) and what we did not. I do remember feeling like it was a waste of time. At some point we changed from 12 to 6 and finally 7 years ago we came up with a new system we set 5 goals, 1 is the primary one the rest are secondary. This has worked, there are many ways to achieve them, but keeping them in mind helps, hence the need to set them in paper and remember what they are through the year. The key in my mind is to choose something one can really work on, not continue working, or making loads of money or loose 100 pounds, when you only need to loose 10 like me (ok maybe 7, or then again after the holidays, its more like 12), but something one can target. Because I know y’all are dying to know what I am going to tell you. I have decided this is the year of Positive thinking. Yep, this is the year when self deprecation and pity parties will have to stop or at the very least diminish. The more I thought about, talked about it to people as varied as the Diplomat, the Scientist and my Sister, I made the decision to well, change my inner language and the way I see/describe myself to my mind, hey its worth a try right ?

And finally, where the hell is winter? I leave for 2 weeks and when I come back it feels like spring, seriously people, what happened? It was much, much colder in Mexico City, I am talking 19 degrees, I felt like a character out of a Dickens’s novel emailing people with my mittens on and sweater over my shoulders.

Hope you all had a great New Year’s, all my best wishes for this 2007